Life with Cancer

  So I decided I needed to go back and write down all the things I want to make sure I don't forget about living with cancer so far. I should start at the beginning...during the time I was in the hospital I received so many flowers and cards and visitors I can't even begin to thank all the people that did these things for me. Luckily this was all written down because I'm afraid I was a little out of it for most of my time while there. Not just because of the drugs they had me on but also because I was in a state of complete shock at the possibility and then confirmation of the Big C! When people came into my room they said it was like a florist because I had so many flowers. I also have to say the nurses and doctors I saw when I was in the step down unit at Gateway were FABULOUS!! I would like to think it was my charming personality that drew them to my room but I think it was the fact that I was probably the youngest person in the unit and therefore closest to their age and life experiences. All in all I would say my experience at the Gateway was very good, which I'm not going to lie, surprised me!
     Finally after 9 days at the hospital I got to come home. Yay! There's no place like home, and the comfort of your own bed! Had a couple people stop by to say "Hi!" but mostly Marty and the boys did a great job taking care of me. Marty has really been wonderful through all this, I know it is stressing him out but he has really been there for anything I need during this time. My Mom has also been fabulous through all this. Checking on me often to see if I need anything, coming over on the weekends to clean my house for me, doing anything I asked of her. If you see or talk to them let them know it's going to be ok. I have heard from several people that it's harder for loved ones to go through all this than it is for the cancer patient and seeing all the stress in them makes me think that must be true.
     Wacky Walsh Women's Weekend- Got to fly to Detroit with my Mom for a fabulous weekend with family. If you didn't know my Mom has 12 brothers and sisters so when I say, visit with family, I mean a lot of family! My Aunt Janet picked us up at the airport and we went to my Uncle Tim's house, that's where the party was. So we got to stay there and then my cousin Katie and her daughter Izzy showed up, yay the party could start now!! As the weekend went on I got to see so many family members that I haven't seen in such a long time. It was great! Of course it was a women's weekend so I got to see all my female aunts and cousins but we decided that on Sunday afternoon the guys could come visit too. So then I got to see some of my uncles and male cousins. It was an awesome weekend with some awesome people!!
     My first chemo treatment was pretty harsh. I was not expecting that since I had heard from so many people the first one or two won't be that bad. Maybe it's because my cancer was stage 3 and so I had drugs that were more potent or maybe it was just the type of drugs I have but it wiped me out after that first round. I was in bed all day for at least 3 or 4 days after that first treatment. I felt so nauseous even with the drugs to help with that. Felt weak and just drained after that first one, maybe it had something to do with the fact that between Monday when I had the first chemo and Wednesday when I went back to have the pump removed I had lost 8 pounds! So of course by the time I got better it was time for round 2. This round happened to be when the boys were on spring break from school so I had them home to take care of me and Marty got to go to work this week. Surprisingly this time wasn't as bad as the first time. Not anywhere near the amount of nausea and I felt kinda of weak for a day or two but then things pretty much got back to normal. So this time I had about a week and a half of good days! Yay! That was nice considering what last time had been like. The second week I actually went and had lunch with Marty one day at work and went out to Ft. Campbell one day to have lunch with Mom. It was pretty good! The third round of chemo was about the same as the second except this time when I went back to have the pump removed I had to get the Neulasta shot. It had some side effects I wasn't looking forward to but luckily for me I didn't get any of them. Oh wait...yes I did but it was a week later! So half way through what was supposed to be my good week I started having some really bad bone and joint pains. It wasn't funny at the time but looking back now I think I looked like a crazy woman when this happened. It started off Wednesday morning and my back just hurt, ok not my back my spine hurt, all the way from my tail bone to my neck. As the day went on the pain got a little worse and moved into my hip bones, about 3 I took some Advil to see if that would help any, no such luck! By the time Marty got home from work I was crying and trying to get in my pajamas and get in bed and find my good drugs, the ones they gave me after surgery that I hadn't taken since I'd been home from the hospital. So here's where I looked crazy. I'm crying and looking downstairs, upstairs all over saying I need those drugs, where are my drugs, I can't find my drugs. At the time of course all my boys are running around asking what they can do to help and I just wanted the drugs I couldn't find. Poor boys! I finally found them and took some and got in bed. About half an hour later the pain had subsided enough that I wasn't crying anymore but it still hurt and then I fell asleep. Woke up about two hours later and took some more drugs before falling asleep again for the night. Slept until 10:00 the next morning! Felt very nauseous that day but not so much of the pain that I had the day before. Thursday I went to school and had lunch with all the teachers, it was nice to see everyone again! So that catches you up to today. I have chemo again on Monday and I'll write again after that treatment to keep everyone up to date on how things are going.
     So now the doctor appts are going and things are kind of getting on a "normal" routine and we start going about our day to day lives. Some weeks are better than others, some days are better than others. I'm not going to lie there have been a few times when I sat and thought, and cried, wondering if this is going to be the end? If I'll get to see my boys grow up, graduate, get married, have grandkids, but mostly I try to stay away from thoughts like that. I know I have so many people praying for me and so many angels in heaven watching over me and God's plan is what's in control now not me. So I try to think positive, happy thoughts, enjoy what I have right now and not worry about the future. None of us is promised tomorrow, cancer patient or not! Thank you all so much for all your thoughts and prayers, keep up all the prayers remember when you see me I may look fine but this battle won't be over for quite a while and prayer works! It has to! Look at me, look how good I'm doing, look at the positive attitude I'm living with, that is all because of prayer so keep up the good work prayer warriors!